Time may change me but I can't trace time

I originally wanted to make a little 'photo a day' type post as they're something I really love looking back on, but then some days I kept forgetting to take pictures and other days I took too many, so I guess this turned into more of a 'random things I got up to last week' kind of post.

I've really gotten into Lego, but I'm trying to hold off of building my kits because of plans. But I figured two little flowers couldn't hurt, and I had a lot of fun putting them together. I really love a lot of the botanicals range Lego has been releasing, and as someone who really sucks at looking after plants they feel like a fun alternative. I also love how well these fit in with my decor, sunflowers are my favorite flower as you may be able to tell.

After I spent a few days with my sewing machine my room was covered in scraps of fabric and bits of thread as I'm always in such rush to hurry through it as quickly as possible because it takes over my entire workspace which is stressful. So giving my room a deep clean afterwards is one of the best feelings in the world, and I just love how cozy my space looks when everything is in its place.

After the machine sewing was done I had some final hand sewing to finish things up nicely, such as the buttons. So I spent an evening clearing some movies from my watchlist while I got it all done before I had a chance to procrastinate it forever. 

Hans arrived! Prince Hans in his coronation suit was the only doll I was missing from my Frozen collection, and because he's less popular and kids don't have taste enough to want him he's really rare which means expensive. I've had it on my eBay alerts for years so saw him as soon as he was listed. He was the cheapest I've ever seen, and described as "well played with" with grainy photos so honestly I was expecting the worst, but he's literally perfect and I couldn't be happier to finally welcome him. 

I saw Elvis at the cinema, and omg. I only really went for Baz Luhrmann as he's one of my favorite directors so I didn't know much about Elvis before going in, and learning about some of the history behind his career was quite shocking. I had no idea he was taken advantage of so much by his manager, and it was so sad seeing him be so emotionally manipulated and exploited. Elvis is such a legendary figure that it feels weird to say that he was held back, but he really was and I can't help but wonder what kind of status he might now hold if he'd had the freedom in his career that he so wanted. For example it absolutely boggles my mind to learn that he never even performed outside of the US - ever. So many times throughout this movie I was mentally begging Elvis to lawyer up, but then I had to remind myself that it was a completely different, more naive time and celebrity of Elvis's status was literally brand new and no one knew what they were doing. Although I've always liked old music and was aware of Elvis on a cultural level, I've never really taken any notice of him either and like a lot of younger generations tend to just associate him with bad impersonators and the tackiness of Vegas. Add to that how much he gets clowned in popular media and he never really felt like anything to take seriously so it was difficult to understand his impact. This movie is far from perfect, but it's made me really interested in the real Elvis, and I love that it showed the human side to him to introduce a whole new generation to his work. Plus I've discovered that his elder fans are some of the most patient and welcoming I've ever met, which is a lot more than I can say about fans of other classic rock bands honestly.

Anyway, I guess I get to have an Elvis phase now as he's occupied about 80% of my brain since seeing the movie. Stay tuned to watch a hyperfocus play out in real time!

I got a half year planner to start a draw everyday challenge. I felt inspired by a video where an artist used a planner and you could see where she'd skipped days because the page was blank which felt like a good way to keep myself accountable. I'm using the Hobonichi Techo Avec as it's small enough to carry round with me everywhere and nothing bleeds through the thin paper, not even watercolor. I'm trying not to be too fussy about what I put in it so long as I draw something, even if it's ugly. I've been in a real bad art block for over a year now, and I remember back when I did the whole of Inktober in 2019 it really opened the creative floodgates so I'm hoping this will have a similar effect.

I also had to break out and sharpen a brand new col-erase, which may not look like much but these pencils are really hard to get hold of in Europe so I bought a handful of them when I went to New York so they feel special and have a romantic attachment to that trip for me. And after 2+ years of a pandemic that romantic attachment has only grown stronger and made me even more determined to get back there someday.

We lit the fire and it's burning bright

I've been really struggling with drawing lately, I guess it's just regular art block but it's hard as my illustration is so important to me and it feels like a big part of myself is missing. Also the longer it's gone on, the more it feels like my imagination has dried up with it and I don't even know what to draw anymore! I thought I'd do some kind of drawing challenge this month to finish up my current sketchbook quickly as I've been using the same one for a year (I usually get through a sketchbook every 6 months!) and I'm just ready to be done with it and move on to a new one. But while I was coming up with ideas for the prompts I kept thinking 'I'll draw that in the new sketchbook once this one is finished' which is dumb and made me realize that maybe I just need to be done with this sketchbook right now, finished or not. I like the art that's in it so far, but it feels stupid to fill the rest of it with mediocre drawings I don't care about just for some pride of being able to say I completed it when all I want is a fresh start.

I was planning on buying a new sketchbook when I go to London next week to see Frozen, but it feels like so long to wait when I want to draw right now! I use Leuchtturm1917 sketchbooks which I could get on Amazon, but Leuchtturm have recently changed them so I was hoping that if I picked one out in person then I might be able to find an older model. I'm still going to check for that when I do go to London, but it turns out I could only get one of the newer ones anyway but I decided it was better than nothing, especially as I'd travelled 70 miles just to get to the art shop. It felt like a lot of fun going on such a trek for one little item though, and turned it into an adventure.

I ended up really liking the changes to the sketchbook, go figure. I got some screentones back when I lived in Japan, but I never really used them as I don't draw in a comic book style so I wasn't sure how to incorporate them, and most of my attempts made the tones look barely noticeable so it felt like a waste of time. I was fumbling around for a background for another drawing when I suddenly remembered I had these, and now I figured it out I've been having a lot of fun with them!

We've been having a lot of storms across Europe lately, and today it snowed which always makes me feel like a little kid again and I have to go out and walk in it. It always quickly turns to slush, so it's never a threat and you have to make the most of it while you can. I've been spending a lot of cozy time indoors with my sketchbook and journals and plenty of soup as it's just too miserable to go anywhere.

Also my Hobonichi arrived! I'm so excited for this stupid little book, you have no idea. I'd heard of Hobonichi for a while, I even flicked through one when I lived in Japan and saw a display of them, but to me it just looked like a fairly boring planner and I didn't get it. But I have enjoyed creative journaling for a few years now, so I guess it was inevitable that I'd end up here eventually. I watch Abbey Sy and she spoke of her A6 cover which inspired me to check out the website, and as soon as I saw this Count the Lights design I absolutely fell in love with it. Unfortunately it was sold out, but I managed to find one on a random website in Taiwan. It came as a set with the planner, originally I just wanted the cover but as it was the only way to get it I wasn't going to turn it down. And I'm actually really enjoying the planner so far! I wasn't sure what I'd do with it at first as I already have a planner and a journal for this year, but I decided I'm not going to be too fussy about it and just write whatever in it each day. A quote from a book I'm reading, thoughts on a movie I've watched, blog post ideas, illustration thumbnails, just kind of a brain dump but organized in a way that I'll want to look back on for the memories. And I'm really enjoying it so far.

“You must go on a long journey before you can really find out how wonderful home is.”

It's slowly feeling more and more autumnal here and I can feel myself approaching my hibernation phase. Oh to be a bear! As I can't sleep all winter I've done the next best thing and have mostly been holed up with my illustration work and crafts.

I've been rewatching one of my favorite TV shows, BrainDead, which I realized I'd last seen two years ago in 2018! I'm having to use the US Amazon to stream it (thanks VPN!) as I guess because it's currently topical with the US elections that they've started charging to watch it when it used to be free. Because it's been a while I'd forgotten some of the finer details of the show and it really is hilariously funny. 

I also finally finished my Snow Queen project. It's been a lot of work as I was bubbling over with ideas during lockdown and am still playing catch up and digitally painting it all. I'm feeling a bit done with it all to be honest and am itching to work on something new but I still have about 8 different illustrations to finish.

I'm still working on my sketchbook though, just at a much slower pace. I drew these two portraits with ballpoint pen last weekend. I'd watched Joker for the first time since I'd seen it at the cinema and met Todd Phillips, and that whole thing was just such an experience that I was worried my very non-cinema sized screen would diminish it somehow. And also it's just that feeling of wanting to savor your favorite things instead of over watching it, you know? It inspired me to draw the Joker though. I'm tempted to paint the drops of blood on his face and perhaps the clown make up too, but I'm worried about spoiling it and losing some of the detail. I also drew Aaron Tveit because of watching BrainDead which he's one of the main characters in (and is the whole reason I ever watched it in the first place, let's be honest).

This is what I'm currently working on in my sketchbook, using actual paint for a change. I've been itching to draw something from Wicked as I've been thinking about how I used to see it several times a year and how inspired I'd feel at the end of each performance and I miss that feeling so much! I dug out my old sketchbook to look at some thumbnails I'd messily sketched out in my car on the way home from London after a show, and this was one of the them so I decided to finally give it a go. I was a little worried the perspective wouldn't work, but it was one of those rare moments where the image in your head comes out exactly as you want it too! I love using gouache as it's so satisfyingly matte and flat once it's dry. I'm using a different sketchbook to my usual brand, and I do really miss my old one but I'm also enjoying being able to use more materials and paint in it. The only issue I really have is that because the paper is so much nicer I'm struggling to really fill it up as I don't want to 'waste' it - which is generally why I steer away from fancy sketchbooks in the first place!

I've also been working on my memory journal, currently creating a spread for BrainDead as I like to record things I've enjoyed. I've also fallen down a rabbit hole of watching people journal on YouTube which is incredibly addictive! Including k-pop journals, which really isn't my thing but I just love their enthusiasm and I admire it really. When I was a teenager being passionate about anything was sneered at, particularly if you were a girl, and it's something that really stuck with me and made it difficult for me to express my interests as I constantly felt like I had to dial myself down to fit in, and I'm still trying to unlearn all of that. So although I don't like the topic personally I really admire how unabashed these girls are, and how creative it makes them! Creating journals and scrapbooks of things you like is nothing new, people have been doing it since the 1950s, but it's become much more aesthetic now and I love that. And it's just really fun keeping track of stuff you're watching, which songs you're particularly into right now, and your general feelings on it all. Our interests shape who we are so much that it makes sense to have a place to record it in a creative way.

This was not as nice as I'd hoped but I liked the packaging!

Otherwise I've mostly been trying to keep up with all of my other hobbies. The trouble with having so many is that there's always something to do, which is a blessing as I've never been bored in my whole entire life, but I can get a bit overwhelmed at how much I want to do and how few hours there are in the day. I'm currently trying to get back on track with reading as it's a hobby I've really missed and I've finally settled into a great book after a few duds. I'm also halfway through a knitting project, which I didn't take any photos of as it's not very exciting to look at right now but it's a triangle shape and learning how to shape knitted items feels pretty exciting as I'm still a beginner. And I've taken up hand sewing after discovering Bernadette Banner's channel over summer. I've sewed for years and made loads of my own clothes, but as much as I love the finished result of wearing the things that I've sewn I've always hated the actual v frustrating process of sewing and seen it as just a means to an end. So seeing Bernadette hand sew full clothing garments kind of blew my mind as I've always associated hand sewing with mending or finishing a hem. I was particularly inspired by her Lady Sherlock waistcoat and decided to attempt it for myself, so I've also had that on the go in the background. I've loved seeing it slowly take structure as I quietly sit with it on my lap in front of a movie rather than hunching over a sewing machine, and it's gotten me thinking about all kinds of things I want to sew next!

All that you touch and all that you see

When I was preparing to travel to New York I knew that I was going to want to stage door, but I'm super socially anxious and wanted something more to say to the actors than joining in the chorus of "you were wonderful!" So I decided that my artwork could make a good conversation point and wanted to gift some out. Some of my artworks are digital, but for the traditional pieces I don't like the idea of just giving away the originals, especially as you don't really know whether it's going to be appreciated or discarded. I'd hate for something I worked on for 5+ hours to end up in the garbage or thrown in a box with a thousand other fan works and barely looked at. I don't mean for that to sound any kind of way, I just think it's realistic to think like that as these people can't keep everything that they're handed as it would be too much. I decided to get some prints made up, but I didn't want them to look like prints as that feels a bit self promotion-y and gross rather than "here's a thing I drew that I want you to have because I'm a huge fan of you". So instead I had some giclée prints made on cotton watercolor paper as they look like originals and are nice and tactile. It was my first time ever having giclée prints made and it was so exciting seeing them! I love how they came out so much!!

My Wicked drawings are digital and have very dark backgrounds, so to help them look at home and more like traditional pieces I painted some watercolor washes in appropriate color schemes to replace the solid color backgrounds, and because I save all of my digital files with their original layers I was able to simply cut and paste the characters over the top. Because I use a lot of texture on my digital artworks I think this method really worked! I'm obsessed with the level of detail the giclée was able to pick out in my artworks too, usually I just have postcards made of my stuff which aren't super clear. I'd really love to sell something like this at some point as I think they'd look so nice framed together.





I was also seeing Moulin Rouge (which I wrote about here) and wanted to give something to the two leads Aaron Tveit (as he's my all time favorite actor) and Karen Olivo. I hadn't drawn any Moulin Rouge artwork at that point (which has since been rectified!) but I had a ballpoint pen portrait of Aaron so created something similar for Karen. I kind of hate how the Karen print came out tbh, but that's on me because I messed up the levels when I was preparing the file. There's a reason I usually photograph my art over scanning it and that's because I suck at making it look ok! I love the Aaron one though, it looks identical to how it looks in my sketchbook and there's so much detail in the giclée print that you can see every pen stroke and ink blob mark and it looks like an actual original and not a print. And as I only met Aaron it ended up being for the best anyway! He was really kind and gracious and seemed to really like it (and I forgot to tell him I even drew it until he asked if I had, doh! My brain just fell out at having him actually standing in front of me. So much for having my artwork as an icebreaker!)




Giclée print on the left, original drawing on the right. I even added the same tape to give it that extra authenticity 👌
I just wanted to share these pictures though because I loved how they came out so much! Because giclée prints are so expensive and I'd never had the originals to directly compare to before getting my own artwork printed up it was difficult to work out if it was worth the added expense, but now I'm a total convert!

Another year over, a new one just begun

I've always been really excited by New Year. I know it’s just a day like any other and time is a human construct, but I love anything that signifies clear endings and the feeling of a fresh start. 2019 has been a weird one overall and I've had a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. I've had some truly life changing experiences, but I've been battling myself a lot and been in a bit of a weird funk for the latter half. But at the same time I've got a pretty good idea of what I need to do to help myself, so I guess that's a good place to be. I also think this time last year I was in such an optimistic place that it kind of skewed my expectations and made me look back on 2018 with rose colored glasses, so this year could never compare which is ridiculous. Especially as a lot of amazing things have happened this year. The biggest of which was always going to be the fact that I finally achieved my life long dream of going to New York and seeing not one, but three shows on Broadway. I was also able to meet my favorite actor Aaron Tveit and he was everything I could of ever hoped he'd be (they say 'never meet your idols' but thankfully all of my experiences have been great ones so far!).



I also visited Disneyland Paris for the first time in years and had the best time meeting all of the characters around the park. I attended London Comic Con and dipped my toes into the world of cosplay, styling my own wig from scratch with no prior experience. I really made the most of traveling around the UK and visited Whitby, Liverpool, Manchester, York, Eden Camp, as well as multiple trips to London. I was able to go to the theater 11 times in total, and saw Wicked x4, The Phantom of the Opera, Come From Away and High Fidelity in London, and Moulin Rouge x2, Wicked and Frozen on Broadway. I beat my anxiety and stage doored for the first time with the leaving cast of Wicked, a total on the whim moment as I only booked the ticket the day before.



I went to London with my mum for my birthday and we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe two days after it opened without even knowing. I actually stuck with language learning which has always been a lifetime goal of mine to learn another language, but I never thought I had a head for it until I was able to prove myself wrong. I added lots of amazing things to my personal collections, especially Frozen. I completed two sketchbooks, and finished Inktober for the first time in my life. I went to the cinema more times than I ever have before in my entire life, 17 times in total (8 of which were just seeing Joker over and over, but still!) I even went to the cinema in France and saw my favorite movie in French.



Last year I wrote that I wanted to "continue to throw myself into the things that I'm passionate about and stop feeling apologetic about it all and stay enthusiastic and true to myself and my heart", and although my usual insecurity ate into that a bit, it's something I'm striving for in 2020 too as I believe having passion for what you enjoy and what you do is what will get you far in all aspects of life. Whilst I do have my long term goals that'll take a few years to happen, I'm starting 2020 much less sure of where I'll go than when I started 2019, but maybe that's OK. I may have less of a plan but I have plenty of options to try too, and that's pretty exciting!

You only have to read the lines, they're scribbly black and everything shines

I wanted to share what I've been drawing lately! Which has mostly been portraits as I find it fun. I used to draw portraits quite a lot with pencils, but because I'm a perfectionist I hated them if they weren't super photo realistic and it really sucked the fun out of it. So last year I began drawing them with ballpoint pens, something that scared me stupid at the beginning as it's so permanent but it's actually really liberating and I feel I've learnt a lot from being forced to work with my mistakes. The top is Joaquin Phoenix in Joker, as it's turned out to be my favorite movie of the year and I'm lowkey obsessed. Second is Mika which is my favorite of the three (look at those pinstripes!!), and lastly is Aaron Tveit which whilst I like, I had issues with my pen blobbing while I was drawing it (why do they do this though??)



And here's two other illustrations I've been working on. Above is from the Broadway adaptation of Moulin Rouge, and it's how they end Act 1 with Elephant Love Medley. I'm not keen on how the song has been reworked honestly, but visually it's amazing and I had fun trying to translate specific people into my art style whilst still making it look like them as usually I draw fictional characters so likeness isn't so important. And below is from the finale scene of Wicked, and uh, spoiler alert? But Fiyero gets turned into the Scarecrow and I've always felt like he gets vastly overlooked within fan circles when this is a huge thing he goes through and a major sacrifice. I've always felt particularly attached to Fiyero though after reading the novel, his character is a lot more developed in that so I guess if you haven't read it it's easy not to care about what happens to him as he doesn't have a lot of stage time.

Project 365: III

15/365 - Sunday 15 September: I got my signed Playbill from Moulin Rouge! professionally framed ♥♥♥ The frame was custom made as Playbills are awkward dimensions, and it's all sealed up at the back so it's safe and sound. I'm just so, so happy with it as it's so important to me as it represents so much and was signed by one of my favorite actors, and now I can display it with pride on my shelf and take it traveling with me and know it won't ever get damaged. You can see my little New York snow globe in front of it too!

Project 365

I've been messing around with my domain name, I hope everything's working OK! Anyway, I've wanted to try my hand at doing a 365 project for years, and have dabbled with smaller term photo a days now and then but have never been able to commit to a full 365 as a full year has always felt too much commitment. But after coming back from New York I felt really inspired to give it a go, and I know it's not the typical time to start something like this but I also think surely there's no wrong time either? You just gotta do it when you feel like it or you never will.

I guess part of why I felt inspired to start this after coming home from New York is obviously I was documenting a lot when I was there, so it already started a bit of that habit in me. Also I feel like this is a year I'm going to want to remember, and I've learnt from looking back on the photo a day posts I have done that it's my favorite way of documenting because they're full of the smaller day to day memories, so are special as they're more personal. Also I simply want to get used to using my camera more, to get more comfortable carrying it everywhere and taking photos in public, and to also get used to taking photos on manual. I've had a DSLR for about 10 years, and I'm ashamed to say I've only ever used it on auto and still don't understand all of the different settings, so I figure it's a great chance to learn all of that. Especially as I find myself relying on my point and shoot camera more and more as that's how I use my DSLR anyway, and I'm often unimpressed with the colors and so feel a need to cover them in filters. And I just really love seeing other peoples 365s so why not do my own!


001: Friday 30 August - Sorting through my New York memories, and creating a sketchbook spread of my tickets in my sketchbook.


002: Saturday 31 August - Mum got me a bunch of my favorite flowers as I've been really ill the past few weeks. You don't often see sunflowers with the reddish purple in the middle, they were so pretty.




003: Sunday 1 September - Went out looking for conkers as they've been a few big spiders around the house and I am not about that. Conkers do genuinely work, it's not just an old wives tale.




004: Monday 2 September - My new stickers arrived for my keyboard. I've had Vincent Van Gogh's Starry Night on my laptop for about 3 years, and it was getting to a point where stickers were flying off when I typed as they were losing their tack. I used the same company again as they'd lasted so long, but this time went for something a little more muted that I think suits my silver laptop well. I'm also impressed as they've upgraded the stickers slightly, and they now have little holes to make room for the bits on the keys that stick up and the for the lights on some keys. They're by Keyshorts, and I like them as they'll create stickers for any laptop and aren't exclusive to Apple like so many.


005: Tuesday 3 September - Still ill, and getting through a lot of ginger tea with honey.


006: Wednesday 4 September - Joining in an illustration hashtag prompt for this month. I'm actually thinking of doing Inktober for the first time ever, I'm usually put off as so many cheat and work on it throughout September instead of each day through October, or use it purely for marketing and it's become a great example of how capitalist systems ruin everything nice and caused it leave a bad taste in my mouth. But I'm actually quite inspired by the prompt list this year, and I intend to do it properly each day, and not get too caught up in making every prompt perfect but just do it on my own terms for my own enjoyment. It's sad that doing things for yourself seems to be a revolutionary concept nowadays, but there you go.


007: Thursday 5 September - I stopped off in Oslo on my way back from New York, and I've been finishing off the things I bought.


008: Friday 6 September - I saw It: Chapter Two! The first screening they showed as I was so excited and so determined not to have it spoiled for me. I never noticed before I took this photo that the funky carpet at the cinema is reels of film, that's pretty cool.




009: Saturday 7 September - I finished my illustration for the prompt, I'm not thrilled with how it came out but considering how ill I've been I did the best I could. And I made a tomato and mushroom pizza completely from scratch, including the base, which isn't super photogenic but I was pleased with nonetheless. It was my first time ever making pizza from scratch, and now I've done it I can't fathom why anyone spends £20 on Domino's.

A little over a week just because I started at an uneven time, but hopefully I can get these up every Saturday from now on!