'Ah, but there are three hundred and sixty four unbirthdays!'

I traveled to London over the weekend for my birthday, and I know I travel to London a lot but I don't usually stay over so it felt like a real treat! It was all a bit last minute so I wasn't really sure what to do outside of shows I had booked, but I had a lot of fun.

I went to the Tate Britain a few months ago and absolutely loved it, and was kind of hoping to do something that would inspire me like that again and recapture that feeling, so I decided to go to the Tate Modern. I know, it's in the name, but I thought I'd been before and liked it, but I guess I got it mixed up with another gallery. There's some stuff that falls under the banner of 'modern art' that I really love such as surrealism (René Magritte is one of my all time favorite artists) and I guess that's the kind of thing I was hoping for, but it was predominantly the type of modern art that I really hate and I spent the whole time stomping through the exhibits and pouting. Modern art is pretentious, classist, ableist (and often racist) garbage, purely made so rich people can feel smug about how much smarter they are because they 'get it'. And it makes me genuinely angry as someone with an arts degree who is struggling to make it in the illustration industry, an industry that's becoming less and less viable even for my friends who are already well established within it and are having to get part time jobs to make ends meet because illustration is becoming more and more devalued. Knowing full well that I and many other illustrators pour hours and hours into a single piece, while some white person with a trust fund goes dumpster diving and applies some bs fake woke meaning to whatever trash they find and it gets lapped up by all of the other yuppies and they pay thousands for it. It makes me so mad because it's so unfair! And it just proves that art isn't about skill or hard work, it's about connections and class. So yeah, I don't like modern art and it ended up feeling like a big waste of time. They did have one Magritte and one Dali so that was nice, but definitely not worth traveling all of that way for!

Instead I decided to go back into the city center and spent my time browsing all of the book shops and record stores. I used to be really into record collecting and had almost 1000 of them at one point, but then I sold them all and it paid for me to go to New York and see 4 shows on Broadway which put the hobby into perspective. But for the past couple of months I haven't been able to walk by an HMV store without going in to touch the MCR records wistfully, and I kind of want to get back into it. Not like I used to, it became a really toxic part of my life where I was getting lectured and patronized by old men on the internet and I felt like I had to have the 'right' pressings and collect the 'right' musicians to be seen as a valid part of the community. Musical taste is something so deeply personal, and mine is kind of eclectic and not very expansive and I hated being made to feel guilty for that when I just wanted to hyperfocus on my favorite bands. Purging myself of that whole collection and the performance it had become felt so therapeutic, even more so by using that money to do something I'd always wanted. I never intended for my record collection and dress style to become my entire personality (and also why I barely post outfit photos anymore despite the fact I still love dressing up!) and I really came to resent absolutely everything about it, and it's only recently that I've been able to recover from that and rediscover some of these interests again on my own terms.

It's something I've been thinking about a lot recently, and now I'm getting into Elvis I just feel like it's time. I don’t even own a record player at the moment, but there’s just something so compelling about collecting physical media of your favorite things. And really it’s not just the vinyl itself, but the artwork and the sleeve and the whole experience. So I decided to just go for it on a bit of a whim, and it's honestly made me so happy and I'm really excited to get back into this, and just buy the stuff that means the absolute world to me. And these are what I got in London!

As for shows, I saw The Phantom of the Opera on my actual birthday (of course I did!), and I originally was hoping to see Wicked too but because it was last minute and a Saturday the seats were not good so I decided to do something a bit different and went for a play instead and saw Life Of Pi. I've never read the book it's based on, only seen the movie and that was so long ago I'd forgotten most of the gist of it but I really liked it a lot! There's a lot of puppetry and light effects so I really got lost in it. I did keep expecting them to sing though.

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

I've had such a crazy busy week, but it's been so much fun! On Monday I travelled to London to see Phantom of the Opera again, I think it's the third time this year so far? I've really been making the most of seeing my favorite shows as much as I can while I can! And it was my first time seeing the alternate Christine which made the show a little different, although it confirmed that I prefer Lucy St Louis's interpretation as I feel like it's more Leroux book accurate. But that's such a personal thing and all it comes down to, they're both perfect. There were quite a few other covers on too for various roles, it's always fun trying to spot who's stepped into which role.

And then on Thursday I travelled to Milton Keynes to see My Chemical Romance!! OMG!! I am now a Milton Keynes hate account and there were some other aspects of the day that just really brought the mood down, but I'm just so so happy that I got to see my favorite band live! I really didn't think I was going to be able to, but then other plans got delayed and there were still tickets available and it just all felt like serendipity. I got the VIP package as it was either that or the nosebleeds, so I ended up with the exclusive merch package and priority entry which meant I was 2nd row from barrier which was surreal - I was standing about 5 meters directly in front of Frank for most of the show!

We lit the fire and it's burning bright

I've been really struggling with drawing lately, I guess it's just regular art block but it's hard as my illustration is so important to me and it feels like a big part of myself is missing. Also the longer it's gone on, the more it feels like my imagination has dried up with it and I don't even know what to draw anymore! I thought I'd do some kind of drawing challenge this month to finish up my current sketchbook quickly as I've been using the same one for a year (I usually get through a sketchbook every 6 months!) and I'm just ready to be done with it and move on to a new one. But while I was coming up with ideas for the prompts I kept thinking 'I'll draw that in the new sketchbook once this one is finished' which is dumb and made me realize that maybe I just need to be done with this sketchbook right now, finished or not. I like the art that's in it so far, but it feels stupid to fill the rest of it with mediocre drawings I don't care about just for some pride of being able to say I completed it when all I want is a fresh start.

I was planning on buying a new sketchbook when I go to London next week to see Frozen, but it feels like so long to wait when I want to draw right now! I use Leuchtturm1917 sketchbooks which I could get on Amazon, but Leuchtturm have recently changed them so I was hoping that if I picked one out in person then I might be able to find an older model. I'm still going to check for that when I do go to London, but it turns out I could only get one of the newer ones anyway but I decided it was better than nothing, especially as I'd travelled 70 miles just to get to the art shop. It felt like a lot of fun going on such a trek for one little item though, and turned it into an adventure.

I ended up really liking the changes to the sketchbook, go figure. I got some screentones back when I lived in Japan, but I never really used them as I don't draw in a comic book style so I wasn't sure how to incorporate them, and most of my attempts made the tones look barely noticeable so it felt like a waste of time. I was fumbling around for a background for another drawing when I suddenly remembered I had these, and now I figured it out I've been having a lot of fun with them!

We've been having a lot of storms across Europe lately, and today it snowed which always makes me feel like a little kid again and I have to go out and walk in it. It always quickly turns to slush, so it's never a threat and you have to make the most of it while you can. I've been spending a lot of cozy time indoors with my sketchbook and journals and plenty of soup as it's just too miserable to go anywhere.

Also my Hobonichi arrived! I'm so excited for this stupid little book, you have no idea. I'd heard of Hobonichi for a while, I even flicked through one when I lived in Japan and saw a display of them, but to me it just looked like a fairly boring planner and I didn't get it. But I have enjoyed creative journaling for a few years now, so I guess it was inevitable that I'd end up here eventually. I watch Abbey Sy and she spoke of her A6 cover which inspired me to check out the website, and as soon as I saw this Count the Lights design I absolutely fell in love with it. Unfortunately it was sold out, but I managed to find one on a random website in Taiwan. It came as a set with the planner, originally I just wanted the cover but as it was the only way to get it I wasn't going to turn it down. And I'm actually really enjoying the planner so far! I wasn't sure what I'd do with it at first as I already have a planner and a journal for this year, but I decided I'm not going to be too fussy about it and just write whatever in it each day. A quote from a book I'm reading, thoughts on a movie I've watched, blog post ideas, illustration thumbnails, just kind of a brain dump but organized in a way that I'll want to look back on for the memories. And I'm really enjoying it so far.

Shut up and let me see your jazz hands

There's this leather jacket on the My Chemical Romance webstore that I've been umming and ahhing over for the longest time. I liked the jacket, but to be honest I'd kind of remembered it differently and preferred my imaginary version to what was actually available, so surely it couldn't be that hard to just thrift a jacket and paint on it myself, right?