It's time to try defying gravity

I traveled to London yesterday, and I am so absolutely beyond exhausted. According to my Apple Watch I walked just over 25,000 steps, and I was awake for a total of 27 hours (after an insomnia driven night of 2.5 hours sleep 💀) It was intense! And now everything hurts!

I started out at the V&A as there's currently a free exhibition on called Re:imagining Musicals which I was curious about. It's about 50% new stuff and 50% things that they usually display in the 'Theatre And Performance' section that was jiggled around and repurposed. The way they've moved everything around makes it much more interesting to look at so I hope they keep it like this from now on and it's not temporary.

The exhibition starts with a display dedicated to the world of Oz and it's many adaptations, including Wicked, which I obviously found really exciting. They had Elphaba's dress on display too, but as it was right at the beginning everyone was kind of bottlenecked into a small area which made it difficult to see on such a busy day. I wasn't bothered as they have Elphaba's dress on display at the Victoria Apollo too, and it's actually better as it isn't obscured by glass and you can even touch it if you want to. I was more excited by the 3rd edition of The Wizard of Oz sitting right there! What I wouldn't give for an early edition of that book.

Satine!! Now this is new. I have mixed feelings on Moulin Rouge! The Musical, but I felt quite emotional seeing this as it reminded me of seeing Karen Olivo descending from the top of the Al Hirschfeld stage wearing it. And the details are just gorgeous! That bead work!!

The set design was one of the best things about & Juliet (second only to the costumes!) so I loved getting to see scale models of the artwork behind it all.

I've developed mixed feelings about Frozen The Musical too, especially since the Frozen II additions. I've seen it on Broadway and a couple of times in London and ultimately decided that it's good and I love some of the additional songs, but it misses a lot of what I love so much about the movie. But I still loved getting to see Olaf! This is the version of him Elsa and Anna build out of toys when they're kids.

There was a lot more that I didn't photograph just as it's based on shows I'm personally less interested in so don't think it's restricted to just this. It's a pretty expansive exhibit and I'd recommend it!

I had hoped to also visit the Beatrix Potter exhibition at the V&A but their online ticketing service was down and I wasn't bothered enough to queue, so I decided to walk up to Oxford Street which ended up being A Mistake. Like, just get the Tube, why am I like this? I generally prefer to walk as London isn't that big and you can see so much more that you'd otherwise miss, but this was pretty far with nothing to look at and I don't recommend it. And because of all the walking I didn't really have a whole lot of time to do much else beyond grab some food and a lot of coffee. I did stop by the Disney Store as I'd saved up to get a Mickey Mouse jacket I'd seen just a couple of weeks ago when I saw Hamilton, but they didn't have it anymore :( Crushed.

Seeing Wicked was as special as always, although it seemed to be a bit of an off day for some of the cast and everyone around me was talking about it during intermission. Glinda was absolutely perfect, I remember not feeling too confident about Helen Woolf the first time I saw her (all the way pre-Covid, OMG!) but her Glinda has really grown on me and her performances are a real highlight. Mark Curry has taken over as the Wizard, and I really loved how natural he managed to make the role. To be honest the Wizard is a character I'm usually underwhelmed by, I think because he's choreographed so theatrically that it often just seems too over the top and corny but Mark made it work. And even though some of the performances were so-so I’m still thrilled to have seen it as there’s no such thing as a bad Wicked performance. It's truly my happy place and I just spend each and every show trying to soak in as many details as possible.

They had some new merch! I don't usually collect the Wicked snow globes, they're really collectible among fans but I've always thought the quality of the molding is kind of janky for how much they cost, but I just had to get this one. It's not often they take much notice of Fiyero, and I love his romance with Elphaba so much since reading the book. I even feel like they tried to deepen Fiyero's skintone a little too which made me happy and is good to see! You can see the back here too. Honestly the quality is kind of disappointing, I've bought more detailed snow globes from Disneyland Paris for half the cost, but I'm happy with the representation and how it'll look on my collection shelf. A good buy regardless!

I also got a necklace (the usher asked if I visited a lot as I bought both the brand new things and I felt so called out 💀), and I totally did not go to London for a bag but I bought one anyway and I adore it. I was walking past TK Maxx, not even going in, and saw it through the window and did a double take. My orange Kånken is getting really beat up looking and I've felt for a while it's probably time to retire it. This couldn't be more perfect!

Time may change me but I can't trace time

I originally wanted to make a little 'photo a day' type post as they're something I really love looking back on, but then some days I kept forgetting to take pictures and other days I took too many, so I guess this turned into more of a 'random things I got up to last week' kind of post.

I've really gotten into Lego, but I'm trying to hold off of building my kits because of plans. But I figured two little flowers couldn't hurt, and I had a lot of fun putting them together. I really love a lot of the botanicals range Lego has been releasing, and as someone who really sucks at looking after plants they feel like a fun alternative. I also love how well these fit in with my decor, sunflowers are my favorite flower as you may be able to tell.

After I spent a few days with my sewing machine my room was covered in scraps of fabric and bits of thread as I'm always in such rush to hurry through it as quickly as possible because it takes over my entire workspace which is stressful. So giving my room a deep clean afterwards is one of the best feelings in the world, and I just love how cozy my space looks when everything is in its place.

After the machine sewing was done I had some final hand sewing to finish things up nicely, such as the buttons. So I spent an evening clearing some movies from my watchlist while I got it all done before I had a chance to procrastinate it forever. 

Hans arrived! Prince Hans in his coronation suit was the only doll I was missing from my Frozen collection, and because he's less popular and kids don't have taste enough to want him he's really rare which means expensive. I've had it on my eBay alerts for years so saw him as soon as he was listed. He was the cheapest I've ever seen, and described as "well played with" with grainy photos so honestly I was expecting the worst, but he's literally perfect and I couldn't be happier to finally welcome him. 

I saw Elvis at the cinema, and omg. I only really went for Baz Luhrmann as he's one of my favorite directors so I didn't know much about Elvis before going in, and learning about some of the history behind his career was quite shocking. I had no idea he was taken advantage of so much by his manager, and it was so sad seeing him be so emotionally manipulated and exploited. Elvis is such a legendary figure that it feels weird to say that he was held back, but he really was and I can't help but wonder what kind of status he might now hold if he'd had the freedom in his career that he so wanted. For example it absolutely boggles my mind to learn that he never even performed outside of the US - ever. So many times throughout this movie I was mentally begging Elvis to lawyer up, but then I had to remind myself that it was a completely different, more naive time and celebrity of Elvis's status was literally brand new and no one knew what they were doing. Although I've always liked old music and was aware of Elvis on a cultural level, I've never really taken any notice of him either and like a lot of younger generations tend to just associate him with bad impersonators and the tackiness of Vegas. Add to that how much he gets clowned in popular media and he never really felt like anything to take seriously so it was difficult to understand his impact. This movie is far from perfect, but it's made me really interested in the real Elvis, and I love that it showed the human side to him to introduce a whole new generation to his work. Plus I've discovered that his elder fans are some of the most patient and welcoming I've ever met, which is a lot more than I can say about fans of other classic rock bands honestly.

Anyway, I guess I get to have an Elvis phase now as he's occupied about 80% of my brain since seeing the movie. Stay tuned to watch a hyperfocus play out in real time!

I got a half year planner to start a draw everyday challenge. I felt inspired by a video where an artist used a planner and you could see where she'd skipped days because the page was blank which felt like a good way to keep myself accountable. I'm using the Hobonichi Techo Avec as it's small enough to carry round with me everywhere and nothing bleeds through the thin paper, not even watercolor. I'm trying not to be too fussy about what I put in it so long as I draw something, even if it's ugly. I've been in a real bad art block for over a year now, and I remember back when I did the whole of Inktober in 2019 it really opened the creative floodgates so I'm hoping this will have a similar effect.

I also had to break out and sharpen a brand new col-erase, which may not look like much but these pencils are really hard to get hold of in Europe so I bought a handful of them when I went to New York so they feel special and have a romantic attachment to that trip for me. And after 2+ years of a pandemic that romantic attachment has only grown stronger and made me even more determined to get back there someday.

There'll be actual real live people, it'll be totally strange

I went to London Comic Con this weekend, it was a bit of a last minute decision but I obviously haven't been able to go since 2019 and it felt really important to get out and do things I enjoy as this year has felt a bit weird and isolating. And I think I enjoyed it more than last time! I always feel really comfortable at cons, I really love people who are passionate about stuff as I can relate. I'd like to get a table and sell my illustrations there someday, I've never sold at cons before but I'd love to meet the people buying my art instead of the anonymity of online sales. The whole experience was really inspiring and I came home brimming with ideas for future illustrations and things to make! 

I obviously had to go in cosplay, and as it was October and a bit chilly I decided to go as Anna from Frozen. I went as Elsa last time so it only felt right!

Because I had to stay in a hotel I made a proper weekend of it and went to see a couple of shows. On the Friday night I saw the new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical Cinderella, which I didn't know a whole lot about before going other than it was an updated retelling, but as I love fairy tales so much I wanted to give it a chance. And oh boy! I really hated it!

I especially like the original story of Cinderella because it's a really important story about abuse, grief, and hope. Cinderella loses both of her parents and is enslaved in her own home by her legal guardian while she's a minor, and her step family attempt to completely erode her feelings of self worth out of sheer spite. Even when she goes to the ball, whether in the Disney version or the original folktale, she never went there to meet the Prince, she didn't even recognize the Prince, she just wanted a night out to go dancing. She never dreamed a Prince would come and save her, she just hoped that one day she might be in a better position to be able to leave her step family behind: "No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." And I hate this modern "empowered" interpretation that she just waits for a man to save her because she never once does that. And while I knew this musical was a retelling I was hoping it would still have some of that spirit, but unfortunately they just went down the "not like other girls" route instead.

It's set in the town of Belleville, where all of the female characters are 'Valley Girls' and all of the male characters are 'Jocks'. All except for Cinderella who is a tomboy 'Goth' (because an outcast always has to be a goth 😑) and Prince Sebastian who is nerdy and introverted. Naturally they're both hated by the townsfolk for being so different, and they've been friends their whole lives despite coming from entirely separate social backgrounds and are secretly in love with each other. It's just so boring and predictable that I was rolling my eyes the entire time. Some elements of the show are so over the top and ridiculous that it almost feels like pantomime, but it also takes itself far too seriously and straddles this really weird line where it can't decide what sort of story it wants to be. Even the Fairy Godmother is entirely changed; originally she's the literal embodiment of Cinderella's faith in her own abilities, now she's a plastic surgeon who Cinderella goes to and pays so she can look like everyone else. And this is such a horrifying message and not anywhere near as subversive as it thinks it's being!

This next bit is a huge spoiler, but the 'twist' at the end is that Prince Sebastian's older brother Prince Charming isn't actually dead like we're told throughout the musical, and naturally he interrupts Prince Sebastian's wedding to announce that he faked his death to avoid an arranged loveless marriage to a woman because he's actually gay and in love with the Duke. Which could of been an incredible social commentary on the whole royal thing, except it's the punchline. Also it's immediately accepted by absolutely everyone in the town, including the Queen who is thrilled with her gay son and accepts the Duke, so why exactly did Prince Charming feel like he had to run away in the first place? The plot line has no substance because there was seemingly never anything to overcome, it's like the writers just thought to themselves "what do young people like right now? Ah, the gays!" and just slapped something in to look woke. Especially when compared to something like the recent Netflix series Young Royals which genuinely dealt with a story line of a young Crown Prince realizing he's queer and dealing with the consequences of that in a very realistic way.

On Saturday night I saw Frozen, which felt appropriate as I was cosplaying Anna that weekend (not at the theater though!) I saw Frozen when I went to New York in 2019, and I didn't think I was going to see it in London although now I don't know why I was avoiding it as I love it so much! It's also changed quite a bit from it's Broadway run. The theater is larger so some of it's been re-staged, they've included references to Frozen II which I was less happy about, and they've included a new song and cut and shortened some others.

Anna's lost her only solo song True Love, which was one of my favorites and one of the moments where Anna has the most growth so I was really sad to see that go. It's always been my complaint even on Broadway that the betrayal scene between Anna and Hans is far too rushed, and unfortunately it's even more so now True Love is gone. I've also always felt like they missed a trick by not giving Hans his own song here - a mocking reprise of Love Is An Open Door would be absolutely perfect detailing how vulnerable and easy to fool Anna was. It's the linchpin of the whole final act so I've never understood why it's so hurried, but they have at last given Hans a couple of lines to sing if not a full song, and it's yet another reprise of his Hans of the Southern Isles track. I don't know why I'm surprised, they always do Hans dirty.

Overall I really loved it though! I loved Oliver Ormson as Hans, and the Duke of Weselton is always a character I don't take much notice of but he was wonderfully slimy here, and Samantha Barks is an absolute powerhouse and it was very exciting getting to see her live! I know it's not important and coincidental but I feel like she even looks the most like Elsa too in her face shape and features. And I always love seeing different interpretations of the character - on Broadway I saw Charissa Hogeland who played Elsa very anxious and timid, whereas Samantha was much more proud and you could feel the weight of her duties on her. The cast performed it with American accents too, which I appreciated. Wicked is performed as British, and it always feels really jarring to me as Oz is an American story and I'm so used to the OBC, and although they could technically get away with British accents for Frozen with it being European I'm glad they stuck with what sounds more familiar to the characters. I definitely need to see it again!

Beware the frozen heart

When listening to the Frozen Broadway cast recording the other day it really got me thinking about the original fairy tale of The Snow Queen and how the two compare. This isn't anything I've done any research on as I want it to be my own theories without outside influence, and I'm sure it's not a new topic at all but it's something I wanted to share my own thoughts on anyway!

The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Andersen is probably my all time favorite fairy tale, and it's something I go way back with. I'm Danish and grew up on Andersen's works as a child and so they hold a lot of personal significance to me, and when I was in my foundation year of art school for my big final project I decided I wanted to illustrate my own version of The Snow Queen.



The artwork is really old and kind of embarrassing to me now (I actually plan redoing it entirely as a personal project for my portfolio) but it was a labor of love as The Snow Queen is an epic in length for being a fairy tale, and a lot of background research went into everything and it got me one of the highest grades in my class. Which is all to say that I'm intimately knowledgeable of the original story.

I've been a huge fan of Disney my whole life and was hugely involved in the fandom in the early '10s when it was all forum based (I love forums, I wish they'd come back! They were so perfect for fandoms as they were so community driven but had the benefit of being moderated by people and not automated systems so no one could be an asshat or be unfairly censored). I knew Disney had a long history of trying to adapt The Snow Queen dating back to the 1930s, and multiple times it had come into production only to be shelved due to the dark and episodic themes of the novel. So when it was finally released in 2013 I could hardly wait and went to the very first screening that I could. And I hated it!! Yeah, big twist - what is now one of my favorite movies I did not get along with on first viewing. I remember people gushing about it and I just did not get the hype as all I could see was a bastardization of my favorite story.

Obviously I expected Disney to alter the source material but I couldn't see any of the original story in Frozen and that was what put my nose so out of joint. It wasn't until I saw it again by chance in 2015 that it really hit me emotionally and I was able to separate it entirely from the source and appreciate it as it's own thing. Since then I've collected all kinds of merchandise, cosplayed as Elsa at cons and at the Disney parks, Disneybounded as the characters and collected limited edition dresses based on their costumes, and traveled all of the way from Europe to see it on Broadway (OK it wasn't my main reason for going to NYC, Aaron Tveit in Moulin Rouge was, but I still paid an obscene amount to see it!) In fact it's probably fair to say at this point that Frozen has come to mean more to me than the original Andersen tale which just feels nostalgic to me now more than anything else.



Despite my love of both, I haven't really thought too much about how the two stories cross over and share similarities as like I said, I prefer to keep the two separate as they are so different. Other than Elsa being a Queen with ice powers, two of the background servants being named Gerda and Kai, and there being a reindeer as a main character, there really isn't anything immediately obvious that points it as being an adaptation. Even the overarching themes aren't really the same; in The Snow Queen the main message is good verses evil and the importance of innocence - the Snow Queen represents temptation, and Kay only becomes vulnerable to her when the mirror shards have entered his heart and eye and changed his view of the world to a more adult, cynical version. This is hugely important and actually really relevant to Frozen when you look a little closer, but Frozen is generally about true love and the effects fear and isolation can have on both a person and a community. The Snow Queen also has a lot of Christian influence, but I'm not mad that Disney took that aspect out.

The Snow Queen (which can be read here) actually begins with a magic mirror that distorts everything it reflects by reducing everything pure and good into nothingness and magnifying everything ugly and evil. A group of trolls (!!) try to fly the mirror up the Heavens to "make fools of the angels" but as the mirror gets higher and higher into the sky it shatters and falls back down to Earth.

Kay and Gerda are child neighbors who have grown up playing together and are as close as brother and sister. Shards of the magic troll mirror fall onto Kay, one piercing his heart which turns it to ice (!), and another that gets caught in his eye and distorts his view of the world into something ugly and contemptible. He's mean to Gerda and is generally a bit of an asshat for seemingly no reason, which is possibly why no one but Gerda seems to care when he suddenly goes missing. When Kay is out playing on his sled by himself, the Snow Queen pulls up in a carriage and kisses him so he can no longer feel the cold and takes him to her palace in the North. This is the only real appearance of the Snow Queen in the whole novel and her motives are completely ambiguous. In her palace she gives Kay a puzzle of broken ice shards and tells him that if he can spell out the correct word then he can become his own master, so he settles down on the frozen lake and gets to work.



Gerda's distraught at the loss of her friend and decides to go find him. She begins by boat but soon loses her paddles and is left to float until she meets land and is greeted by an old woman who erases Gerda's memory of Kay so that she'll stay with the woman as an adoptive daughter. Which works well, until Gerda spots a rose which reminds her of playing in the flowers with Kay and she bursts into tears, but the flowers confirm that Kay can't be dead as they haven't seen him in the Earth so Gerda runs away. Next she meets a crow who thinks Kay may have married a local princess which turns out to be a false alarm but the Prince and Princess are kind enough to provide Gerda with a carriage and some servants to take her on her journey, but it results in Gerda being taken prisoner by a band of thieves further along. The Robber Girl forces Gerda to be her friend by holding her at knife point which upsets Gerda a lot, but the Robber Girl's captive pigeons tell Gerda that Kay has been taken by the Snow Queen, and the captive reindeer tells Gerda that he knows where her palace is located. The Robber Girl lets Gerda and the reindeer go free and he carries Gerda to Finnmark, meeting the Lapland Woman and the Finn Woman along the way, but Gerda must make the rest of the journey alone as otherwise she won't be able to enter the palace. Kay is unable to recognize Gerda as he's obsessed with the ice puzzle and has turned black with cold, and the sight of him in that state reduces Gerda to tears and she tries to hug him. The warmth of her tears melts the ice in his heart, and now able to feel again Kay cries as he recognizes his closest friend and his tears dislodge the shard in his eye. They leave the palace and travel home together, and although they are grown they keep the innocence of youth in their hearts which is what saved them.

This is a very abridged version, and you can tell that it's very different from the plot of Frozen which I'm not going to detail as I'm assuming that if you've read this far then you already know it, but I wanted to give some background of the original in case you're not familiar.

At first glance there don't seem to be many similarities. It's kind of obvious that Gerda and Anna could be said to be the same character - Anna keeps her innocence, which often comes across as naivety in her agreeing to marry Prince Hans and charging off into the wilderness alone to look for her sister, but it's very clear that her heart is in the right place and like Gerda she meets people that help her along the way even if the cast of characters look a bit different. I've seen Kristoff compared to the Robber Girl which always leaves a bad taste in my mouth - the Robber Girl literally murders people and rubs a knife along the throat of the reindeer to stop him from running away. I can't imagine Kristoff treating Sven like that, and as Kristoff is directly inspired by indigenous Sámi cultures comparing him to the Robber Girl starts to jump headfirst into blatant racism so please consider don't.

For me, it's actually the character of Kay that I find the most intriguing in all of this and how he fits into the cast of Frozen. I've seen people say that Elsa is both the Snow Queen and Kay combined, but that never sat right with me as I don't see any of Kay in Elsa - she has no sudden switch of personality, no task she obsessively feels she must undertake, so I really don't see what that comparison is even based on. But as I was sat listening to the Broadway soundtrack on the train and listening to John Riddle enthusiastically sing Love Is An Open Door with Patti Murin it suddenly struck me - Hans is Kay (I know, several paragraphs in and I finally get to the point of the post, but I had to set it up!)


Hans is a very complex character within Frozen, I'd argue the most complex and it's why he's my favorite as there's so much to unpack and interpret with him. I've always been of the opinion that Disney did him dirty in the movie as one of the reasons he's so complex is because he wasn't originally written as the villain - Elsa was. But after the songwriters wrote Let It Go and discovered Elsa's motives they couldn't comfortably place her as the villain anymore, so made a last minute decision to switch it to Hans. That's why there is no foreshadowing and it's really poor writing and he's generally considered to be such a weak character (which has been analysed many times before and I won't go into, but you can read more here if you need the receipts). With the release of Frozen II Disney made it pretty clear that they now want to portray Hans as a simple black and white villain by calling him an "irredeemable monster", which is sad as it turns his backstory from something complex that could of opened a discussion about his descent, into the Freudian Excuse trope and jeering at him. This feels incredibly tone-deaf to me considering the story arcs of Elsa and Anna and the main themes of personal growth in Frozen, and even goes against statements made by writer Jennifer Lee.

If you're not a fan of Hans and aren't fully aware of his backstory - he grew up the youngest of 13 sons and was abused throughout his childhood. He states this himself in a throwaway comment to Anna about how his brothers "pretended I was invisible, literally, for two years.", which has been followed up in official releases by Disney such as a comic strip and a book called A Frozen Heart which also shows his father as an abusive sociopath. This isn't sympathizing a villain or trying to excuse his actions, but it does add to the layers of his character. It's exceptional and unheard of for a Disney villain to display any degree of self-doubt or ambiguity, so why did Disney originally go to such lengths to give him a traumatic back story just to make him a throwaway villain? Because he wasn't the villain.

There's long been a theory in Frozen fan circles that the trolls are the true villains of the story. They're the ones who encourage Elsa's parents to hide her away and force her to conceal her feelings which leads to her own traumatic experiences, and while they heal Anna they state "the heart is not so easily changed, but the head can be persuaded." This is an example of genuine foreshadowing, and could point to why Hans does a complete 180 after Anna meets the trolls with Kristoff and they sing lines like "Her quote “engagement” is a flex arrangement" and "Get the fiancé out of the way and the whole thing will be fixed!". Also remember the magic mirror in the original Snow Queen belonged to the trolls!

Which brings us back to Kay. Sweet, kind, innocent Kay who got a frozen heart and a distorted view of the world when two pieces of troll mirror fell onto him from the sky. Who could no longer see goodness and acted selfishly and obsessively until Gerda melted his frozen heart. And as Anna states to Hans towards the finale of Frozen:


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I'm not saying for definite that the trolls had any part in it but it's definitely interesting, and there are certainly a lot of parallels between the characterizations of Kay and Hans and how it changes their behaviors. One aspect of Hans' character that I've always been intrigued by is how it parallels Elsa - a character who also grew up in an abusive household, although not through malicious intent like Hans experienced, but rather due to over protection and shortsightedness by her parents - and how they both show how abuse can shape a person. For Elsa, it caused low self esteem, isolation, and self punishment, whereas for Hans one could argue it made him act outwards and present himself as he thinks others want him to be seen whilst being emotionally volatile. Or maybe he was just genuinely trying to make a better life for himself away from his abusive family and sensed Anna was looking for the same deal and was happy to marry her until his heart and eyes were frozen by magic trolls which distorted his view and made him behave like a jackass. Maybe.

I guess we'll never truly know, but it's fun to mull over and I enjoy any links I can find between my favorite movie and my favorite fairy tale. And it's why I'll forever be mad that Hans got such a rush job treatment as he has the potential to be an amazing character. He’s emotionally damaged and an arrogant and vindictive dick, but this doesn’t make him evil. I like that he's ambiguous and morally grey and how that forces the audience to question whether they can trust him. As in reality, most people are like that.

Yet another scene that parallels Kay and Hans - at the beginning of The Snow Queen Kay looks out of the frost covered window and sees the Snow Queen beckoning to him, and here was have a big pointed scene of Hans looking out of the frost covered window at the storm Elsa created - whilst being an ass to Anna, much like Kay was to Gerda (who we've already established is Anna!)

Another year over, a new one just begun

I've always been really excited by New Year. I know it’s just a day like any other and time is a human construct, but I love anything that signifies clear endings and the feeling of a fresh start. 2019 has been a weird one overall and I've had a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. I've had some truly life changing experiences, but I've been battling myself a lot and been in a bit of a weird funk for the latter half. But at the same time I've got a pretty good idea of what I need to do to help myself, so I guess that's a good place to be. I also think this time last year I was in such an optimistic place that it kind of skewed my expectations and made me look back on 2018 with rose colored glasses, so this year could never compare which is ridiculous. Especially as a lot of amazing things have happened this year. The biggest of which was always going to be the fact that I finally achieved my life long dream of going to New York and seeing not one, but three shows on Broadway. I was also able to meet my favorite actor Aaron Tveit and he was everything I could of ever hoped he'd be (they say 'never meet your idols' but thankfully all of my experiences have been great ones so far!).



I also visited Disneyland Paris for the first time in years and had the best time meeting all of the characters around the park. I attended London Comic Con and dipped my toes into the world of cosplay, styling my own wig from scratch with no prior experience. I really made the most of traveling around the UK and visited Whitby, Liverpool, Manchester, York, Eden Camp, as well as multiple trips to London. I was able to go to the theater 11 times in total, and saw Wicked x4, The Phantom of the Opera, Come From Away and High Fidelity in London, and Moulin Rouge x2, Wicked and Frozen on Broadway. I beat my anxiety and stage doored for the first time with the leaving cast of Wicked, a total on the whim moment as I only booked the ticket the day before.



I went to London with my mum for my birthday and we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe two days after it opened without even knowing. I actually stuck with language learning which has always been a lifetime goal of mine to learn another language, but I never thought I had a head for it until I was able to prove myself wrong. I added lots of amazing things to my personal collections, especially Frozen. I completed two sketchbooks, and finished Inktober for the first time in my life. I went to the cinema more times than I ever have before in my entire life, 17 times in total (8 of which were just seeing Joker over and over, but still!) I even went to the cinema in France and saw my favorite movie in French.



Last year I wrote that I wanted to "continue to throw myself into the things that I'm passionate about and stop feeling apologetic about it all and stay enthusiastic and true to myself and my heart", and although my usual insecurity ate into that a bit, it's something I'm striving for in 2020 too as I believe having passion for what you enjoy and what you do is what will get you far in all aspects of life. Whilst I do have my long term goals that'll take a few years to happen, I'm starting 2020 much less sure of where I'll go than when I started 2019, but maybe that's OK. I may have less of a plan but I have plenty of options to try too, and that's pretty exciting!

New York, Part II

I was in New York for five full days, and so was able to see four shows while I was there (although three different ones, as I saw Moulin Rouge twice!) The first show I saw after arriving was Wicked which is my favorite musical. I'm a bit of an Oz nerd in general and really love the original L Frank Baum books, and I really love where Wicked has taken these characters and developed them (including the novel by Gregory Maguire, although I confess I've only read the first one as Elphaba and Fiyero aren't in the others...)




I was really glad I picked Wicked first as it felt kind of comforting and allowed me to ease in to the differences between Broadway and the West End. It also felt really special seeing my favorite musical in the theater where it originally opened and as such the original production, or as close to. My first impression of the differences between Broadway and London was mostly just the sheer scale of the theaters themselves. London's theaters are obviously really old buildings, and because of this they're really small and can be really uncomfortable to sit in. The Apollo Victoria where Wicked is played is one of the largest theaters, and yet it's probably about half the size of the Gershwin. I was sitting third row from the stage in the orchestra/stalls and could stretch my legs out in front of me and had plenty of elbow room and it felt like a real novelty. What I do like about the Apollo Victoria though is that it's all green - the carpet, the chairs, it's all green because it's Wicked, and I was mildly disappointed that the Gershwin didn't go to that level of extra. Also from outside the Gershwin is pretty underwhelming - compare that to that, you know?

I was really happy to see that the London production is almost an exact replica. I don't know what I was expecting, but the only differences where things I already knew about. There were some really minor costume differences (Fiyero's collar on his green suit, Madame Morrible's bustle, really minor stuff that only a fanatic would notice), and obviously some minor staging differences just as the Gershwin is so much bigger. In Defying Gravity Elphaba and Glinda come up from a trap door which makes it feel more obvious that they're in an attic, and after Elphaba's levitating spell the broomstick rises up through the stage - I always expected this to be a better effect than London where it floats through the air from the wings, but it just looked like someone lifted it out of a trapdoor and was kind of underwhelming. The one thing I really did like about Broadway was Fiyero's entrance. In London Avaric pulls him in on a cart, whereas on Broadway Avaric is riding the Sawhorse, which probably seems like a small difference but it's pretty huge as it's a reference to Baum and foreshadows Fiyero becoming the Scarecrow and is just a really nice nod to the original Oz lore (and makes Avaric look more like a chauffeur than a man servant).




The other show I saw was Frozen, which is a Disney film that really means the world to me and simply calling it 'my favorite movie' sounds too lame for how strongly I feel about it. I never expected to have the opportunity to see this show when it opened, so you can imagine how excited I was!

The set design was really amazing, there was so much detailing in the wood carving around the stage and I loved how the lighting effects made it look like it had been frozen. So much of the design, both stage and costume, was inspired by traditional Norwegian and Sámi designs and I really love the whole vibe it gave the show. Because it's such high fantasy it gives it a grounded sense of realism. The Northern Lights were before the show, and Oaken's Store was during intermission. I sat first row of the mezzanine, right in the center, which felt perfect as I was close enough to get the detail but far enough away to appreciate all of the lighting and staging effects, of which there are A LOT to create Elsa's powers.



Although I hadn't seen Frozen on stage before, I'm very familiar with the soundtrack as I listen to it more than the movie version (is it some kind of blasphemy to admit I prefer Caissie Levy to Idina Menzel? 😬) and it was such a buzz getting to see something that I know so well and hold so dear to me unfurl on stage in a new but familiar way. When Vuelie started, and for most of Let The Sun Shine On and Do You Want To Build A Snowman? I was actually crying because I just love Frozen so much and hearing and seeing it live just completely overwhelmed me.

Caissie Levy wasn't on that night and Elsa was performed by the understudy Charissa Hogeland. Her Elsa was very timid and soft spoken and it suited her perfectly (she also looked perfect in the costume, which I know isn't super important but I believed she was Elsa). Otherwise it was the regularly billed cast, and it was a real thrill seeing Patti Murin as Anna - she seems so much like Anna in real life and is so perfectly cast. From what I've seen of pictures and videos I wasn't sure how I felt about Olaf and Sven - they work as puppets, and it mostly looks kind of dumb, but I have to say actually seeing it on stage it totally works. Olaf was really endearing and Ryann Redmond completely disappeared, I kept trying to watch her but my eyes kept drifting to the snowman she was operating.

My only gripes were with Kristoff and Hans, which is a shame as I'd had high hopes from listening to their additional songs on the soundtrack that they'd been better developed (and I must add that my disappointment had nothing to do with the actors who were both amazing, but the way the characters have been written for the stage). The reason why the characters in the movie are so popular is because they're so complex and realistic for it. Kristoff is kind of an asshole to Anna when he first meets her and really doesn't care about her plight - and when you consider that he's a indigenous Sámi man who's been ostracized his whole life, why would he? Him gradually learning to care for Anna is his main character development, and so it just felt really out of character in the musical for him to almost force Anna into accepting his help, and they just tried too hard to make him the typical 'Prince-Charming, look-how-helpful-I-am-there's-nothing-bad-about me' character and so he lacked any depth and didn't really develop as a result. He was just boring.

And then there's Hans. Prince Hans, along with Elsa, is my favorite character from Frozen. He is one of the most intriguing yet cheaply used characters Disney have ever created, which is a big part of why he's so polarizing to audiences. I could write a whole essay on how complex a character Hans is due to him being morally grey, a victim of abuse, and Elsa's one true equal. I love the song's they've given Hans in the musical which I think is what got me so hopeful he'd had a better treatment than the movie gave him, and I fully accept that there's many subtleties that can be provided in film that just won't come across on stage and so things need to be stripped back. I get that. BUT HE HAD NO GLOVES. I know how absurd that sounds, but it was the first thing I noticed when his character came out on stage. Gloves are HUGE symbolism in Frozen, Elsa is forced to wear them to conceal her powers and true feelings, it's Anna removing her glove that causes her to freak out and freeze Arendelle, and she removes her final glove as she's liberated in Let It Go. All of these details are still in the stage show!! It's still important symbolism!! So why isn't Hans wearing his freaking gloves??? He is the only character other than Elsa to wear gloves, and the only time he removes one is when he reveals his true intentions to Anna and shows his true self like Elsa does earlier in the story. His gloves are a major part of the story!! Of his character development!!! Also his lines are so rushed. It's clearly the direction, but during the reveal scene he barely draws breath between saying "True loves kiss!" and "Oh Anna, if only there was someone who loved you" and then he just launches into his spiel unfurling his whole plan, and it's just like, do you wanna let the audience take a moment to let any of this sink in?? Also his coat bothered me too. It's basically the same as the Arendelle guards, and the movie he wears his own coat in his own colors with his own insignia, which marks him as the outlier. It just felt really lazy from the costume department and direction, and it hurt a lot as he's a character that means so much to me. He deserves better, and it was such a letdown as his additional songs are so awesome. I must stress that it was an amazing show though! The whole cast were fantastic, and if you're not as emotionally invested into the characters as I am I'm sure you won't even understand what I'm upset about.


And the things I collected!